Mind Games

Sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking that we truly believe something and that we've taken it to heart, when in all actuality, it's never made it past our heads. It's a protection mechanism because if we actually, truly took something to heart, it would mean we would have to change, to shift, to admit fault or failure, to be vulnerable, to surrender. When God speaks to us, when He asks us to become more like Him, to surrender, it's hard. It's really stinkin' hard. So many times I think "yeah, I've surrendered," when the truth is that I've accepted and understood it mentally, but I'm still holding onto 90% of the hard to change, ingrained part of myself. The core of who I am. True surrender involves vulnerability to the core ourselves, sacrifice of habits and comfort zones, and acceptance of change. To be completely honest, I can't say that I have ever truly, completely, wholly surrendered before. There have been small moments of it, but on the whole, I'm still stuck in the intellectual part. As humans, we naturally shun vulnerability, it's our nature. But until we become truly vulnerable, truly surrendered, and truly self-abandoned, we can't fully experience God's immense greatness. That is something light years easier said than done. As we come up to Christmas, to the New Year, let's keep that in mind and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to be molded, to be changed for the better

An Excerpt

I wanted to share this incredible excerpt from a book that I just started reading called S.H.A.P.E.: finding and fulfilling your unique purpose in life by Erik Rees:

     Holy Father, please show me just how special you have made me. Take me wherever you need to, so I can experience you like never before. Ignite my heart. Let if forever burn for the things you desire most - people. Align my dreams and desires with yours.

     Lord, I long to be known as a difference-maker. Show me the way and your will, so I can follow. I fully acknowledge that I'm nothing without you. Please grant me continued grace, love, and wisdom as I walk this journey with you.

     God, give me strength to face my fears along the way. Fill me with your love. Make my motives pure and honorable. Teach me the things I still need to learn so I can truly honor you with all of my life. Grant me faith like never before. Help me move away from my comforts and closer to your callings.

     Father, help me find and fulfill the specific purpose in life you created me for so I can do your work in my generation for your glory. Amen. 

 

One-Woman Show

So, here I am starting a blog. I've always been someone who has to write or talk something out to make it click, so I am endeavoring to share my personal victories and struggles in an attempt to make sense of them myself and hopefully to help someone else out who might be in a similar boat.

This past weekend, I went to a 3-day Christian music festival. It was my first time there and the experience was incredible! Being constantly surrounded by people who love God and seeing concerts all day, every day dedicated to praising and worshiping Him is an indescribable feeling. When 8,000-9,000 people gather together with a like mind to sing and worship God, it's breathtaking. I mean, God's presence is there.

While I was there, I had somewhat of a revelation. Praying, worshiping, or any sort of communication with God is a conversation. Conversations have two sides, not one (unless you're like me and you talk to yourself all the time ;D). But anyway, in communication with Jesus, we only are one side of the conversation, not both. Of course, that seems extremely obvious, and maybe I'm the only one who does this, but I frequently try to be both sides. I do it subconsciously, but it happens. I try to fit God into my little box of what I think His presence and communication is like, what He'll say, and how it will feel when He speaks to my heart. He is the God of the universe and my puny little human mind thinks that I can take over his side of the conversation! How absurd is that?

Perhaps I want to feel His presence and to hear from His heart so much that I don't wait for His actual response, but instead I try to fill in His side of the conversation as well as mine. That is a recipe for disaster. I am human, flawed and frail, while God is perfect and sovereign over all. I think it's safe to say that we too often get in the habit of "squeezing in" our time with God so that we rush and don't take the time to rest at His feet, quiet our hearts and minds, and let Him do the talking. Psalm 37:7a says "Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him." We take our time for everything else, yet we can't take out time for our Savior? That's backwards. I can't imagine saying to Jesus, Son of God, who gave up his LIFE for us "You know, I'm really busy right now, but I'll try to get you in"?

What I'm trying to say, more to myself than anyone, is have a regular time each day that is spent truly secluded, alone, free of any and all distractions dedicated to communicating with God. Jesus did it in Luke 5:16: "And he withdrew himself into the wilderness, and prayed." If you're a planner like me, write it down, schedule your day if necessary. I've heard this so many times and I have yet to do it. Maybe you're like me in that way. It's time to get out of our own way and make the change. It's the absolute LEAST we can do for our King.

"Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth."

~ Psalm 46:10